I Have Found GOD!

A letter I wrote to the hilarious Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half.

Dear Allie,

I was going to post this as a comment on one of your posts but I couldn't figure it out in less than 2 seconds so I gave up in compliance with the ADHD law of 1915 (I don't know what that is, I just made it up). So instead, here's an email:

Dear Allie,

Are you secretly God? Or perhaps maybe just a god? (It's okay, we can't all be God, but many of us can be gods. Don't feel bad.) You may be wondering why I would make that assumption? Let me start from the beginning.

I first learned about your site through a friend at my college's forestry camp (yes that's a real thing) who was constantly wearing (forestry camp has a lot of smelly hippies who don't do laundry) your t-shirt that says "I care about this alot" and I thought, "Hey, that's pretty funny." Mainly because it reminded me of my intense hatred for people who substitute the word "quote" for "quotation" (THEY ARE NOT THE SAME). Then I forgot what I was thinking about and chased a squirrel across the yard.

Flash-forward to several months later (i.e. yesterday), when I was reintroduced to your site through a friend's link via Facebook. Needless to say I was instantly hooked and began to peruse the archive. You may now be wondering, "What does this have to do with me being God or a god?" Well let me tell you.

I have been suffering from one hell of a bitchy chest cold for the past 5 days. Although I could tell that I was starting to get better, I was now faced with that lovely stage of illness where you start coughing up all the wonderful microbes who have unceremoniously decided to lodge themselves inside your lungs. Gross, I know but since you shared your story about your roommate's sex life with the world, I feel you can withstand hearing such subject matter as phlegm from someone you do not know (i.e. me). The problem was that although the cough syrup I was taking contained Guaifenesin, which is supposed to "make coughs more productive," it also contained something that prevented me from coughing at all. I know, it's a brilliant concept. I was now stuck with a chest full of crap (it's a real scientific term) and no way to be rid of it. I was devastated. Faced with no known cure to my ailment, I lay in bed too depressed to move.

That was when, by some stroke of luck or perhaps genius, I decided to visit your website once again with the hopes that it would lift my spirits. As I began to read post after post, I was overcome by the healing power of laughter. I started laughing so uncontrollably that the neighbors now may very well think that I am criminally insane. But this is a small price to pay, for you see I HAVE BEEN CURED!

*insert Hallelujah chorus here*

That's right. Your comics made me laugh so hard that my joyous giggles turned into fits of uncontrollable coughing, thus allowing me to expel the guilty parties from my chest. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that you must either be God or a god. It has also made me consider what else can you could cure. World hunger? SARS? Or perhaps world hunger AGAIN?

Yes, in fact I'm quite sure that if all the starving masses were to simply laugh a bit more, they would shut the fuck up about that other thing they're always complaining about. So please, continue to share your gift of laughter with the world and I will do my part to spread your message of healing via laughter.

Your loyal disciple,

Jackie


P.S. - In retrospect it appears you may not be God or a god, but merely really fucking funny. Either way, I once was blind but now I'm not coughing up a lung. AMEN. Keep up the great work!

Nintendo's Footprint

In a nation as technologically driven as Japan, it’s no surprise that the country’s third most valuable listed company is Nintendo Company Ltd., a manufacturer of video game consoles. Founded in 1889 in Kyoto, Japan, the now multinational corporation is valued at over 85 billion US dollars. Throughout the years, the company has become a household name amongst casual gamers and aficionados alike, with its popularity earning it 6th place on the Reputation Institute’s 2009 Global Reputation Pulse survey. But despite Nintendo’s overwhelming success as a leader in technological innovation, the company has failed to even establish itself as a contender in the race to implement environmentally friendly standards.

A recent evaluation of Nintendo’s environmental impact was outlined in the quarterly “Guide to Greener Electronics” by Greenpeace, an international organization for the conservation and protection of the environment. The guide scores companies on the basis of three criteria:

(1) Energy use
(2) E-waste
(3) Hazardous chemical regulation

In the latest edition, Nintendo earned itself a score of 0.8 out of a possible 10 points. Although that’s an improvement from Nintendo’s previous score of zero, the corporation continues to remain in last place behind 16 other leading electronic companies such as Sony, Microsoft, and Nokia.


One of the biggest reasons Nintendo scored so poorly is due to its failure to set a timeline for alleged plans to voluntarily phase out polyvinyl chloride (PVC). Satura Iwado, President of Nintendo Co., stated in a 2008 interview, "Nintendo recognizes the importance of meeting global standards, and complies with regulations on chemical substances used in our products according to considerably very strict European standards."

Despite such claims, other dangerous chemicals such as antimony, beryllium compounds, and BFR have remained in use alongside a multitude of toxins listed as “substances under application control.” In fact, the list of chemicals that Nintendo has banned consists primarily of substances whose use is prevented by law; the exception being natural rubber, which was voluntarily phased out due to allergic reactions among customers.

Nintendo’s carbon dioxide emissions prove that the company’s efforts to minimize their carbon footprint are lackluster at best. “Nintendo discloses carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions from its own operations and has committed to cutting emissions and other greenhouse gases by 2% over each previous year. However, Nintendo admits that an increase in business led to a 6% rise in CO2 emissions in 2006” (Greenpeace.org).

Nintendo reports for the 2007 fiscal year show that the company emitted 7,417 tons of carbon dioxide in Japan and 17,636 tons of CO2 overseas. In a recent report, modifications to a formula from a recent study conducted by the Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC) was able to estimate the annual CO2 emissions of video game consoles in the United States. By making further modifications to this formula, it is possible to calculate that the combined emissions of each Nintendo Wii alone emits approximately 61 million kilograms (67,240 tons) of CO2 per year.

Nintendo’s President has stated that their stance on environmental issues is to act in a way that will “put smiles on the faces of everyone Nintendo touches.” As such, Nintendo has chosen not to acquire certification from Environmental Management Standards, and instead promotes their own PDCA (Plan-Do-Check-Action) cycle for reducing environmental burdens. They have developed their own Green Procurement Standards, which demands that chemical analysis are conducted at each stage of production by third party certification organizations and production partners. In addition, they have removed PVC from the internal wiring of consoles and created a more energy efficient design for the Wii, thus lowering its power consumption. A Nintendo Wii uses an average of 16 watts, compared to the Sony Playstation 3 or Microsoft XBOX 360 which use 150 watts and 119 watts respectively.

On a larger scale, the company has developed energy efficient models at many corporate offices in an effort to reduce CO2 emissions. They are also currently building a new corporate office that encompasses LEED (Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design) Silver certification standards. Nintendo has also made attempts to facilitate the recycling of their products, by designing products for easy disassembly and reducing the use of composite materials.

Although Nintendo has displayed an increased interest in the company’s environmental impact, Greenpeace’s claim that “Nintendo completely fails to show any environmental credentials” has yet to be discredited. It is essential that Nintendo works to establish a timeline for the phasing out of dangerous chemicals such as PVC. Merely stating that they intend to do so is not enough. The company should also be much more proactive in its regulation of chemicals, and consider phasing out many more toxins than just those required by law. In addition, Nintendo needs to be held accountable for its actions and should be expected to release more information about its environmental standards.

Part of the reason why the company scored so poorly on the Greenpeace electronics scorecard is that there was no information provided for grading, resulting in an automatic zero. However it seems that not all of the blame should be directed toward Nintendo. An article in the Environmental Leader stated:

In September [2007], manufacturers at IFA, Europe’s biggest consumer electronics show, tried to entice consumers with environmentally-friendly product details but consumers were more interested in bigger and brighter screens. But PriceGrabber.com reports that 71 percent of those responding to its recent holiday survey say it is important to them to purchase eco-friendly products.

If a company can maintain its reputability despite an atrocious environmental record, there’s no motivation to invest in the implementation of greener business standards. Consumers need to put pressure on electronic companies to think more about product impacts if they expect to see a change in environmental regulations.

So you live in a house...

So this year I moved out of the dorms and into a 2-story, 4 bed, 2 bath house that was built in the early 1900's. It's about a 10 minute walk from campus and is located right down the street from a homeless shelter and a medical marijuana dispensary. Convenient, no?

All things considered it's been a pretty sweet deal. There are 4 other girls living in the house but we'll be adding a 5th next year. I currently share the master bedroom with my roommate, but hopefully I will have a single room my senior year. We have a HUGE backyard with fig, lemon, apple, and pomelo trees, and a fairly large basement with a washer & dryer. The neighbors have 4 chickens, 1 pig, and 2 dogs who frequent our yard by passing through a small hole in the fence. It's worth it though when I'm making an omelet using the freshest eggs available.

The neighbors are great. Really friendly and funny. Sometimes this one guy plays ukulele on the roof, which is cool except when it's like 11 at night.

It's weird living in 2 houses at once. It makes me think of a scene from Garden State:

You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your shit, that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out. It just sort of happens one day, one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I don't know maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start. It's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

Summer 2010

Hello all,

I wanted to let you know that I have been accepted to the summer Forestry Field camp in the Sierra Nevada mountains! The Summer Field Program is taught on the Plumas National Forest, nine miles west of Quincy. Reno, NV is the nearest large city at 100 miles away, so I hopefully will have my car. This eight-week program is a requirement for my Forestry and Natural Resources major at UC Berkeley. The overall goal of the Summer Field Program is to provide an introduction to the scientific and professional dimensions of forest and wildland resource management. I will be home this summer from May 14th to June 20th and possibly Aug 14th to Aug 26th.

While there, I'm not sure how much internet access I will have (I will DIE without it), but I will have my phone and can also be contacted by mail at this address:

c/o University of California Forestry Camp, P.O. Box 340, Meadow Valley, CA 95956

Hopefully I will have the chance to visit all of you in the small amount of time that I have to spend at home this summer! You should write to me too... ya know, to keep me up to date with things (especially if I don't have internet). For example you should let me know if we happen to solve that pesky global warming problem, which celebrities have died, and just general information like what Snookie is up to these days. It is absolutely crucial that I receive this info in a timely manner. CRUCIAL.

I'm excited to be involved in this program, but at the same time I reaaaally don't want to go simply because I have to give up my summer. I also think it's kind of crazy that this is a REQUIREMENT for my major, but what can you do? It was either deal with this or major in M.E.B. and then I'd have to suffer through O-Chem... and no one wants that.


Jackie

http://espm.berkeley.edu/summercamp/main.html

We're Gonna Rock This Town!

So I'm back in San Diego for the summer and it's going to absolutely rock. That's all for now. Hit me up if you want to hang out. Peace out Berkeley.

A Dice Throw

Whether or not the Chasm was endless was up to speculation. Gazing down there was a whitish glow emanating from the bottom in a constant pulsating rhythm. Perhaps he had fallen backwards, tumbling headfirst into the fulltide and losing his bearing in the frenzied process. All things considered it was far more likely that he was not peering down a declivity, but rather gazing up toward the heavens. Just as the flustered moth desperately glides and flutters when caught by the light, he too thrashed about, caught in the confusion. On a wing and a prayer one might at best survive such a fall, but none could escape it. The mind has a way of protecting its own interest, catapulting our souls into darkness, or elevating them into the light. Redemption was his final hope, and in that moment he prayed.

Just an quick exercise we did in Comp. R1B, where we took the words from Mallarme's "A Dice Throw At Anytime Never Will Abolish Chance" and composed a paragraph using our own interpretation of the text. The bolded words comprise the excerpt from Mallame. They are orignally written in that order, with no other words in between, arranged on the page in a diagonal slope.

Motivation

It recently occurred to me that there are realistically, probably only a few people I know who take the time to read this blog. I wanted to take the time to say thank you! but only if you're someone other than my Mom or Dad (you 2 would read this no matter what I wrote about).

On that note I wanted to say that I'm going to be doing my best to update more frequently, with posts not just about my life, but also on topics that I find interesting or relevant. Although the purpose of this blog has never been to attract a large source of readers, knowing that there are people out there who want to hear what you have to say is nonetheless encouraging. Writers thrive off of feedback, both positive and negative, and although I may not be a writer in my day-to-day life, that is the role that I have taken on with the creation of this blog. It is a challenge that I welcome with open arms, and an opportunity to improve my skills not only in writing, but communication in general. But I digress.

The original purpose of this blog was to keep my family and friends updated with my life at college. It was also a personal endeavour that I choose to begin in an attempt to catalog my experiences over the next 4 years. Memories are a funny thing. What was once the most important day of your life becomes a meaningless fact of your existence, allowed to slip through the cracks as it is replaced by events greater in magnitude and relevance. But it is the small things in life that count, compiling over time as the history of your life, and it is for that reason that I relay my stories to you here.

The role of the writer is not without its faults. Although he is gifted with the art of expression, he is indebted to the interest of the reader. For although I could very well sit here writing about my life, and express every truth known to man, it is meaningless if I have no one to share it with. Why else would I want to retain these memories over the years, if not for the hope of someday sharing them with another?

Greatness is a socially construed evaluation. Even the greatest writers in history would not have been recognized if no one had read their work. For although the ability of the writer lies within his mind, it is the medium through which he conveys his message that gives weight to his words. I doubt the brilliance of a man even as great as Melville (excuse my biased judgement) would have been acknowledged had he not written down his thoughts. The man's worth is inherent, but it is worthless if it cannot be conveyed. He cannot possibly hope to express the idea of transcendence as explored in Moby Dick in a mere conversation. It requires a medium that allows him to capture all his thoughts in one location, permanently. The oral tradition is not enough.

In short, if you are a reader of this blog and you appreciate the things I write here, do me a solid and register as a follower of my blog. Then take it one step further and leave a comment or two on a post you find interesting, disgusting, horrifying, whatever.

Just give me a reason to write.